Marital Musings

Black Marriage Day 2012

I want to share some information about this day set aside to celebrate and encourage marriage in the African-American community. No matter what your ethnic background, this is an initiative that everyone should be aware of. The success of Black marriage and Black families is vital to our entire nation.

Black Marriage Day will be celebrated Sunday, March 25, 2012.  It is celebrated annually at locally sponsored events hosted by faith-based and community groups on the fourth Sunday of each March.  Starting with only 30 cities in 2003, marriage activists in hundreds of cities up to the present celebrate Black Marriage Day to highlight the benefits of marriage, pay tribute to successful marriages, and to promote marriage in the Black Community. 

Local government proclamations have recognized Black Marriage Day as promoting the strong families needed to build and maintain safe and healthy communities. 

More than 300 local sponsors plan to celebrate Black Marriage Day 2012 Sunday, March 25, 2012, with the theme: “It Takes Two.” 

Black Marriage Day is sponsored by the Wedded Bliss Foundation, Inc. Wedded Bliss Foundation Executive Director, Nisa Muhammad, created the national initiative to create cultural change in the Black community to reconsider marriage.  The Black community has the lowest rates of marriage and needs a specific effort to help reduce out of wedlock childbirths and reduce divorce. (from Black Marriage Day - the official website)

 

"Why Black Marriage Day?" 

"Black Marriage Day: a showcase for African-American love, commitment" 

"Your Marriage is Black History!"

"Darryl Cobbin on Marriage, Family & His Beautiful Daughters"

Living Together, The Divorce Rate & Predictors of a Long Marriage

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 

"US soldier who massacred 16 Afghans is a married father of two."

via worldnews.msnbc.msn.com

"The American soldier thought to have massacred 16 civilians in southern Afghanistan on Sunday was reportedly married with two children and had served three tours in Iraq before arriving in Kandahar in December."

 

Recently I have read several articles about the impact of war on the marriages of soldiers who have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. I have been planning to write a post highlighting how divorce and marital difficulties are a sometimes overlooked casuality of war. With the news today, I just want to share these articles and encourage us all to remember that supporting the troops should mean supporting their marriages and families. I have been giving thought to what my role can be in that effort, and I encourage everyone to do the same.

Keeping Marriage From Becoming a Casualty of War

Married to a Veteran: When Memories of Past Interrupt the Present 

Marriage Retreats Combat High Rate of Military Divorce

Children Are Not a Gift

Recently friends of mine had their third child. After two sons, this is their first girl. They weren't trying for a girl, in fact, they weren't trying at all. Like both of my children (and many of my friends' kids) their baby was a bit of a surprise. I was happy to hear they were having a girl because even though I knew they would be happy either way, I thought it might be nice for them to experience the other gender. I felt that way especially because they didn't intentionally try to have a girl. I am always uncomfortable when I hear someone talk about having an additional child because they are trying for a specific gender. It makes me at least as uncomfortable, if not more, when women seem to feel bad when they can't deliver (pun intended) the desired gender.

Last month I ran into an old friend and we spent some time catching up. He told me about his family, and specifically about his two sons. He went on to share how his wife had told him she wished she could have "given" him a daughter so that he could experience the special father-daughter bond. Hearing that made me feel a pang of sadness for her. It sounded like she felt like she had failed in some way as a wife and mother. As a fellow wife and mother I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

A few days ago, I found myself thinking of that conversation again. I also thought about other similar comments I have heard, often around women not being able to "give" their husbands a son. This time I wasn't sad. I was angry and frustrated. As women, why are some of us acting like having a baby WITH our husbands is a gift we give TO our husbands? The gender of a baby is not under our control. Actually, it is the man and his X and Y chromosomes that determine the gender of a baby, and even men don't have control over the outcome. It is time for women to stop blaming ourselves and thinking our children are something we give to our husbands. If you want to think of your child as a gift, think of him or her as a gift from God, nature or really good fertility specialists.